Monday, November 17, 2008

some more thoughts

So I'm currently reading a novel about a plus-size Christian women who starts to write a blog. I've felt inspired by this novel to start writing in my blog more. I'm going to start with an update on things that I mentioned in my last post.

Around the start of October, I finally had the courage to contact a counselor. I finally felt like I really needed to see someone to discuss my feelings. A few weeks later I meet with a Christian counselor for the first time. Most of my session was spent crying; however, it went very well. I'm meeting with her for the second time tomorrow. At the end of the session my counselor suggested that I definitely continue to counseling sessions. She also believes that I have dysthymia, which is a form of depression. Basically it's chronic depression; meaning that I've had the symptoms for many years, just not necessarily at a severe level. Once she told me about this and after doing more research on my own, it seemed like a good fit. I felt like there was finally something to explain all feelings and mood changes. I've since been put on an anti-depressant (for a little over a week now). I cannot tell a huge difference yet, but I did notice that this weekend when I felt kind of bummed, I didn't cry. That was a strange feeling for me.

Now onto another topic, school. The school year is now more than 3/8 of the way done. Six more school days until Thanksgiving break. I'm working on staying on top of things. Lately I feel like things just haven't been normal. The past few weeks have been filled with special projects and activities. Sometimes I worry that we're not accomplishing much or that things are too boring. I don't like feeling like the students aren't involved in the class at all. I'm just really trying to stay positive and focused. I also still have the tendency to wait until the last minute to do things. I don't plan very far ahead, at least not on paper. Usually I'll have some long term plans in my head, I just don't write them down.

Well that's all I'm going to write for now. Hopefully I'll write more again soon.